What if…

Today, a slight councious came to my mind, what if I did not loose my job. What if my life were still the same. I don't have to go through with this phase. Although, honestly, I don't worry much at the moment. I know for sure, things we'll go better. But, I do make my close one, worry and felt sorry for me. I hate that feeling. And, I hate being poor — who don't?!!

If things will go as the way it used to. I think I would be able to say it's my great year ever! Before I lost my job, I felt really really happy. Everything was so transparent. I was so looking forward for my holiday to go back home or even planning a Christmas holiday trip with my friends. I had paid all my tickets. But, now, I am not even sure I will be able to go. I am dying to go back… even though it's too late, I won't be able to see my dog anymore. He passed away the day before I lost my job. I haven't even put the time to deal with it yet. But things happened one after another. It was a very tough week.

But, If I don't loose my jobs… I wouldn't be able to realise and appreciate my self — of how much I have grown as designer and a person. I have not been feeling nervous in any job interview that I've been so far. Because I know exactly what I am capable of and I am very very proud of it. I know and remember where I wanted to be.

If I don't loose my jobs… I wouldn't realise how important is friendship. I feel so lucky surrounded by nice people. I am being more open to them. As I am more forgivable to my self. I praise for every moment and little things that I have. I had the opportunity to know better and put more attention about people surround me. It's funny, how I've never realised that they actually needing help.

It's a realization. It's time to grow. It's a blessing.




In memory — superbly spoiled dog — 11 November 2009