Facing with my own fear

It is true, that I am afraid of having commitment. Although I have been looking forward to have new relationships for such awhile, after I broke up with my ex. It doesn’t mean that my previous relationships has left me such a nightmare. I had the wonderful time of my life when I was with him, though there are sacrifices to be paid. After all those happiness, everything has to be ended. Probably, this is the reason why I am so anxious to start a new relationship. I am just not ready to let go my heart easily for something that has to be ended someday. Honestly, I am about to fall… but somehow… my fear hold me down. Logically, it is such a silly matters. Yet, when you remember that you have to let go someone that you cherished and spent most time of your life with, it won’t be easy. On the other hand, I don’t want to hurt him easily, because he is special…

Ahhhh finally I made up my mind

I am feeling really grateful, that I have supportive friends. Me and J’ was talking to drop out our honours. Since we really don’t have much faith on our research. Then few days before I have to hand in my dissertation outline proposal, suddenly all my friends were being encouraging to have my outline proposal done.

Yes, I made up my mind now. I will continue fighting to pursue my first class honours (oh well, second class 2A, I won’t be mind). I decided to research on milk packaging for younger target market. I found some interesting news about packaging conference from the web. So packaging isn’t bad after all.

It feels good when you finally back on track of your life. Probably, it is also because there is someone that reminds me who I am and where I came from :)

Pssst... Mr. turtle

C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at it’s joke on me

Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it...

Forgiven me, if I have to keep you waiting...
but please don't be so shy on me...

Excerpts lyrics from Chris Rice When Did You Fall (in love with me)

The Peril of Magnificent Love

This is the next book that I wanted. It is the story of Magenta, a young girl who seeks love. the girl discovers love’s path is fraught with illusion and strewn with disappointment. Nevertheless, the young heroine overcomes her disillusions and finds new possibilities and strength in the lessons she has learned.

This is an Illustration book with naive red, black and white drawings that are filled with detail and emotion. Although simple by nature, this book reveals a deeper meaning on love from childish crush that makes you change to a find love from within.

This book is published by Random House 2004, Australia RRP $16.95

:P well, it is obvious that I haven’t got it yet. I know all this information from the dumbo feather mag and others web. Might help to unravel my problems.

I can’t hold the beautiful surprise

I have been felt such in the air this past few days… someone has given me such sweet attentions… but really… it is such a delusion or possibly I am being fearful to face with my own feelings…

However it is amazing that more and more I know him… we are such alike.

Yeah, I miss some of them…

They were the people working at LW before. It is really hard to catch up with people who works there. Since every 7 weeks, they come and go. It is funny that I will always be there. In this term, I have made few new friends. I have been so excited when they’re around… and finally, I found out the mysterious turtle… ;p

Moreton Island

originally uploaded by dian s

Isn’t pretty… a place filled with dust of sands. Moreton Island is the largest of the bay island, with vast tracts of sand including the world’s tallest coastal dunes. The island is an untouchable paradise. It is remarkable where everything is so clean and green. Not to forget it is not so far away from Brisbane.

I had an Eco Adventure tour at Moreton Island with my family last Sunday. It was great. We took a ride with 4WD around the island. It wasn’t a really smooth ride, lots of bumping around during the trip. On the first photo is the famous Cape Moreton lighthouse – one of the oldest lighthouses in Queensland. The second photo is the great sand dunes where I had the sand tobogganing. It was a really awesome, though it was kinda an exercise to climb back up :P.

It’s all for now… I’ll post more photos later…

Forgive me my friend...

Hey, it is probably too late… but it’s better than nothing. I’ve just made a vow with my friend that I won’t forget her if I have a boyfriend. Memorizing from my mistake before, I guarantee that I will always to keep in touch with my best mate. When I was in a relationship, I was mad about him. I feel bad now, when I realized I actually left my friend alone and I was having fun with my bf. I couldn’t even bear to let my best friend know that I’ve break up with him, until few months ago. I was ashamed for what I’ve done to her, came back to her after I am being single again.

It is such a bad things, now I completely understand the feeling and I really regret it. I am sorry for not been keep in contact with you and a supporting friend.

I’ll try my best…

I WANT THEM ALL !!!

iceage_softtoy originally uploaded by dian s.

ahhh... aren't they so cute?!! I realized that now I am addicted in collecting plush toys. But this ICE AGE collectibles are truly hard to resist. I really LOVE their movies. They make me laugh to death. Well, I couldn’t watch the new one this weekend since my parents here. Arghhh how long should I be waiting…

Hey, which one do you thing is the most adorable? Anyway… I wanna grab them all and I will love them equally :P

Want to know where could you get them… They are available from the greater union cinema. They are $2 each with any combo purchase, not such a bad deal. However, I hope they are available at other places. I don’t want to waste my money buying combo drinks but I don’t mind to spend money in vending machine game! Ahahhaa….

I’ll let you know when I have them… cheers…

it has been a disaster >_<

Hey, guys I’m back…errr, sorry I don’t update my blog regularly. However, I have been having crisis at my work place. I realize that I have not been happy with my new projects. Arghhh they are $ucK…They have not been a very interesting job really… but they are taking so much time to resolve the problem. It is just not worth it !!! This is the reason why I have not been hard working at work. I am so looking forward to finish these projects.

Oh and one other things, my graduation is on this SATURDAY, 8 April at 2 pm. So come along around 4 pm so we can take shoot together… share my special moment. My mum is here in Brisbane, and my dad will come one day before the graduation. Yes, we are planning to have a great trip over the weekend but we haven’t decided to go where. However, I have booked a small nice car, which is BlooDy expensive. Honestly, I feel more excited about the trip rather than the graduation ceremony. Obvious isn’t? 2 hours of boredom >_<.

Heh… almost bedtime, talk at other time…

Again, I’ve been slack…

Not sure what is happening in my life. My studies are still unorganised. At work, I can’t be so productive like I used to. I feel tired every day. I am not feeling excited with what I do. It is just like not who I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I want or what is really bothering my mind.

Changes… make me feel unhappy, and uncertain. Many things happened this past few months. Perhaps I just haven’t coped with it yet. However, the clock is ticking… I need to revive my self soon and find answers for what is really matters in my life.

Few update about my work

Opps I was gonna talk about what project that I am working on at the moment. Then I realize that I shouldn’t really said it since it supposed to be confidential. But it is Live**** what the heck… :P Okay, I just got a new project to be working on. It is an elegant photography publication. It contents has strong photos of political and humanist issues.

I am currently working on the postgrad fine art catalogue. It is a small job, it’s only 20 pages >_< ahhh I want more spread. Thankfully, the design doesn’t have to be boring, I can make it exciting… So it is a quite interesting job to do. Not to fancy, not to monotonous.

Tomorrow, I’ll have new briefing on new project but not sure whether I am going to do it. It is an exhibition of habitat and habitus publication. It supposed to be my friend job, I am just going to give him a hand :P

Wow, I thought I have more jobs to do, but it is not that much isn’t. Well, I still got few brochures for Australian education agent to do, but they are almost done… fiewww…

Gotta go, gotta have hainamnesse rice for dinner… I made it my self :P yummm…

My intimate lunch talk with my boss [part1]

Well, it started when we talked about our lunch meal, very general stuff. Then he asked me about how is my friend doing back in Jakarta. Hmm then, the topic is going away about how religion influenced to get a job. Still okay, and then he popped the question out from no where >_< leave me stunt.

MyBoss: so Dianne, where is your partner come from? Is he Australian guy or he is Indonesian.
Me: Whattt.. whattt >_< partner??? I don’t have any…
(sorry, I don’t really remember what happened at a moment)
MyBoss: ah…really, how old are you?
Me: I am not even 21 yet T_T (arrrghhh am I look that old… this is not the first time)

What makes him asked me that? Maybe because I am look old ahahaha… anyway, after few discussion, he gave me an advice “No matter what you do, you need to choose by your own. It doesn’t matter what people say or your parents. It is for you life. You can be married anytime you like or not like have partners.” Hmmm…I’ll keep that in mind, though it is still long way to go…

Logic VS Emotion

My entire plan for today is ruined. It is because how silly I am. I trusted my emotion rather than my logic. In my whole life, my logic is more dominant when it comes to give perception. Nevertheless, when it comes to control my life, my common sense just become very weak. Some people told me that I am overly sensitive. Honestly, I tried so hard to think straight but my feelings just conquer all my moved.

It does make my life so up side down. I am feeling very vulnerable as a woman. Especially, when you know it is wrong but your hearts just keep longing for it. I do want it stop, I want to control my self. I don’t want to end up in the wrong path especially if you already know that you are going to the lion den. No one wants to end up badly.

Hoorayyy... Horayyy...

Oh I should hold my self till tomorrow to write the blog. But why should I care. Anyway I am still so happy that I got 7.5 for overall my IELTS test, and surprisingly I got 7 for my writing. It is unbelievable >_< thanks god for everything.

I am currently at my workplace when I wrote this :D not a really a diligent employer. This month especially this week is pack with my friend’s birthday. Today is my best friend B’day. Henny, Happy B’day!!! Doughhhh… >_< I don’t think she know about this blog yet.

Anyway, today I am going to AGDA night talk, presenting Chris Moody. Huff, It is gonna be an interesting night. Sadly, I don’t have any company to go there and I have to take taxi as well. Hopefully, It will expand my networking :D. Okay, have to go back to work, I’ll write about the talk.

my current life...

Hey, back again... huff I have difficulties to find a good topics to write. Yeah, my life is not that exciting. My life is such a misery. I don’t even know what I want. Yup, this past few weeks I was having period of self-doubt and questioning. I am still not sure that I am good enough to finish honours. However, since I read the book ‘How to get PhD’ by Estelle M. Phillips and D. S. Pugh. It kinda guide me through those period. It seems that every people have the same problem in the beginning.

Well, one problem down and there are still others >_< The other thing, is about my life commitment. Currently, my status is single since I finally gave up my long distance relationship, more than half years ago. Still my ex is shadowing my life, although we don’t keep in contact that often. I just still care about him, but that doesn’t mean I am still in love with him. Anyway, recently…I found a friend that I just really love to hang around with, he makes me feel so happy. I realize that I always smiling to myself when I think about him. Yup, I keep thinking about him more often. Does it mean I am start fallin for him or I just happy to find a friend. It is a good signs though, means I have finally moved on! Unfortunately, he is not even single. There is no hope if I do like him. Jeez, why even my love’s life is so complicated.

Starting my honours degree…

Life is such a dilemma. I had my lecture about my honours program last Monday. It was not pretty much like a lecture. It was really a small group. There are only 3 people enrolled in the course (includes me) and one master student. My lecture, Richard Blundell mentioned that people who enrolled in honours are a really brilliant student 0_o! At least, they have to have GPA 6 point and above. Yup, I was laughing within my self… I could not believe that I was one of them. To tell you the truth my GPA was luckily pass 0.3 from the requirement :D

He kept telling us that how good we are and different from other graduates. I was really overwhelmed by it. Even though I was scared that I might not be able to create creative project. Next week, we have to have few questions for our dissertation. He suggests that it would be good if we have background about it or related to our great interest. But I don’t think I have any knowledge that I can link it to design. It is tough… life is tough

I hope I find one. However, I am open to any suggestion. It would definitely make my life easier.